my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
