Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
