So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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