So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
