I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
