Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
