then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
