Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
