Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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