I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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