Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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