A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
