Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
