Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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