I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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