i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you have to choose: penises or morals?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize