i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
