I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
