1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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