guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
