They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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