how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
