I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
