I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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