How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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