if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
