Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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