you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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