You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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