God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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