new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize