well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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