I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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