You made me cry and you don't even care
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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