barbara walters just said penis...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
