The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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