omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
