I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
