I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
