11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
