when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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