Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
