Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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