She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
