The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
