Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize