Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
