TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
