wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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