Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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