that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
