you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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