THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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