it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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