Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize