Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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